Eventually in 2006 I started a 5 year prison sentence and became involved with 12 step drug recovery programs, which have been transformative to my life. Next month it is 8 years since I had a drink or a drug and my life has changed in remarkable ways.
I earn an honest living from a new career as a derivatives trader (I did a graduate diploma in this field in prison), and I spend my spare time helping other people get clean. I visit prisons and hospital detox wards regularly helping others decide to get clean and supporting their efforts, and I have been particularly fortunate to visit Kerobokan prison in Bali several times spreading the message of recovery. The real significant changes, however, are all internal. I am no longer "the egomaniac with the inferiority complex" and I am largely free from fear. I don't see myself as better or worse than anyone else, I don't believe that the world owes me anything, and I am a useful member of society.
I believe I will always be an addict, and the evidence tells me I am only one drink or drug away from awakening the old nightmare. Nearly 8 years on and I regularly think about using again, I dreamed of it last night, in fact. As long as I stay clean, one day at a time, I have a chance to recover.