My childhood was happy and loving although growing up with a mother who possibly had low self-esteem and body issues, it was in the long run a burden that I carried my whole life. Unintentionally meaning to harm me emotionally as I know my mother loved and supported me dearly and to this day still does, my mother started me dieting with her when I was a very young girl. Yes, I was a little chubby and did get called the occasional name and looking back I always wanted to be thinner like the other girls. In photos, now when I look back I am perfectly normal looking, but the young days spent counting calories, eating days of only pineapples, or popcorn and swapping to the latest diets and always being conscious about what I was eating or not supposed to be eating created a life for myself that turned into an unhealthy obsession and a disordered view of eating. Ironically I became a chef, taking pleasure in feeding other people all my delights but within myself cursing and beating myself up obsessed with everything I was or wasn’t eating and never feeling good enough. This not feeling good enough or worthy was a strength and also a curse and it was the challenge of filtering out the negative side to all of this that would lead me to a healthier way of thinking with regards to my food and a self-loving supportive role that I now have for myself.

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